You ask, and Dr. Aquila answers! Here are the latest questions on singleness posed to Dr. Dominic Aquila, President of New Geneva Seminary in Colorado Springs, followed by his answers:
Q: In your opinion, what should men and women look for in a spouse? In a society that focuses primarily on the externals, how can we as Christians create a healthy, godly view of what a desirable mate could be? A: Since we are speaking of Christian singles, the first thing that we should look for in a potential spouse is that he or she is a believer (I Cor. 7:39; II Cor. 6:14-18). Paul emphasizes that light and darkness cannot exist together. In the same sense, a believer and an unbeliever will have difficulty co-existing in the same marital relationship because there are differences of perspective affected by different spiritual states.
As we consider other criteria to look for in a spouse, we should be careful not to be overly influenced by our culture, which tends to externalize these criteria. Physical appearance is important in the sense that we are responsible to maintain our bodies in a God honoring way. But keep in mind, even the most well-sculpted bodies get old and wrinkle. So we should consider qualities that are deeper and of lasting value.
What are these qualities? Here are some to which you can add others: Christ-likeness, common sense, conflict resolver, ordered life, confident with self, good philosophy of life, growing in the fruit of the Spirit, caring spirit, hopeful, and focused. As you are looking at others for these and other qualities, make sure you are also looking at yourself, that you are continuing to grow and develop as a person.
Q: How does one reconcile Genesis 2 and I Corinthians 7? Are men supposed to 'leave and cleave' or should they, if at all possible, remain unmarried? They can't do both!"A: As I have already stated, our default created setting is “to marry.” This is the biblical principle that is always operative. There are times when this principle may be suspended for a time and for clearly defined reasons. What we have in a part of I Corinthians 7 are some potential reasons for remaining single, but they are definitely an exception not the rule.
I Corinthians 7 is probably one of the more difficult passages of Scripture to understand. Let’s put it into a helpful context. If any early New Testament church was messed up, the Corinthian church was on the top of the list. They had more problems that Paul had to address than just about any other church he wrote to. Apparently, Paul had received information about the issues there from at least two sources. First, from “Chloe’s people” (I Cor. 1:11). Paul deals with these issues through chapter 6. Then beginning with chapter 7 Paul takes up “things concerning about which you wrote,” and he answers these questions in the rest of the letter. The issue of singleness is dealt with as Paul deals with this concern: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
It is possible that the reason this was an issue was because there were some in Corinth who believed that abstaining from sexual relations was a high spiritual value, even for those who were married. This kind of thinking came from Gnosticism, which had the faulty notion that the material-physical order was evil or sinful and the spiritual dimension was good. This view led some to believe that if they controlled impulses regarding material things and gave themselves to spiritual exercises, they would exist on a higher spiritual plane. Paul emphatically disavows this unbiblical error by affirming the validity of the sexual relationship between a man and a woman in the context of marriage. The God who made the spiritual order also made the material order and all of it was declared “very good” (Gen. 1:31). Since all of creation is good, all of it can be used consistent with its God given design.
Sex was created by God; it is good. But it must be used as God intended. The Fall (Gen. 3) brought sin into the world and distorted our ability to see and practice God’s design for all of life. Salvation through Christ restores sinners to a right relationship with God and enables them to follow God’s original design. This is what Paul emphasizes in I Corinthians 7.
However, Paul also deals with a potential problem. In vv. 25-26 Paul says, “Now concerning the betrothed [i.e., virgins], I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is” (ESV). Note that Paul’s concern, in light the general principle that marriage and sexual relationships within marriage are good, that he raises the specter of “the present distress.” We are not told what this distress was, but Paul saw it as an anomaly that could temporarily affect believers from applying the principle of marriage. There is no prescriptive teaching here that contradicts God’s original design; we must see that what Paul is saying here arises from his concern about the present distress, something unique to that time. Paul is not giving us a theology of singleness or an argument for permanent celibacy.
