He Has a Name
Nic commented on my previous post:
You could argue that I should be out meeting someone new - I've tried that several times - but it's such hard work!
You're right, Nic, it is. And personally, while I appreciate the well-wishers who have come in the wake of my own latest relationship implosion, it would be helpful if they didn't say some of the very silly things that they have, in fact, said.
A sampling:
"Computers can't do what God can."
"Just brush him off and move on."
"He obviously wasn't worth it."
"You're so much better off without him."
"Just stop looking and wait on the Lord."
"You need to do what's right for you."
"On to the next one!"
This last statement I find especially offensive. I mean, seriously, can we dehumanize this situation, and this guy, any further? Saying "On to the next one!" is like telling a woman who has lost a child, "Well, you can always have more kids." Like they're a commodity...something easily replaced. Something lacking individual worth.
This guy is a real person. He has a face, a name, a job, a church home. I invested four months in getting to know him. He's smart and funny. I considered him a friend. Yet I had to sever that friendship. I had to! I'm not in this to gain more friends. Good grief, I can't keep up with the friends I have! So it's a loss, plain and simple. And it's a loss that I'll grieve.
Nic, I hear ya. It's tough. I feel silly enough admitting to folks that I'm in this online madness at all. But to have people insinuate I'm some kind of relational crack addict waiting for the next hit is especially painful. I'm doing what I can...and occasionally what I should. It's a process. And for now, I'm somewhere in the middle of it, muddling through.
posted by Rocky Mountain Christian Singles Mixer @ 8:59 AM
5 Comments:
On behalf of guys everywhere(as imperfect as we usually are) THANK YOU. The first step in trying to fix this seemingly broken dating/courtship system is to see our brothers and sisters as individuals made in the image of God, who have souls....and not primarily as someone made to fufill our needs, wants, desires,and dreams only to be discarded on some trash bin when they don't.
This guy has truely missed out on "something good"
Most of the people around me after my very similar experience said the same things to me as you list and they seemed anger at me that I wouldn't say ugly or mean things about the guy. It was because I know he is my Christian brother and even though I was working through the emotions that come with this kind of situation I would find myself to be overwhelmingly sad for him. It's been a year and I have moved on, but not in a bitter, slam the door in your face way, but rather in I do understand that it is a natural, God given desire to be married and there is not something wrong with me because I want a man who recognizes that too. You know marriage is an example of Christ's relationship with the church. Christ never did anything halfway therefore nor should we.
This is off topic, but is there another mixer being planned for the near future???
bubba--
We're thinking about it. There's nothing currently in the works, but we'll keep you posted!
In other words we waiting for you guys to "take action" as a result of being a part of the last one.
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