Dr. Aquila Answers Your Questions on Singleness

While we're waiting for this mixer to happen, we thought it would be good to get some biblical insights on singleness from an expert. Dr. Dominic Aquila is President of New Geneva Seminary in Colorado Springs and Interim Senior Pastor of Village Seven Presbyterian Church. He's smart, he's kind and he knows his stuff. And better yet, he cares about singles. So give him a listen as he tackles some of your toughest questions. Want to submit a question? Do so by emailing us. Read on!


1. Does being an older single mean that we might be called to singleness? Not necessarily. We need to begin this answer by stating a biblical principle: Our default setting as a result of creation is “to marry.” That, is, God created us to be in relationships at a number of levels, with the most significant one being the one man-one woman relationship in the context of marriage. When we read, “It is not good for the man to be alone…” (Gen. 2:18), we must understand that when God said this, Adam was the only human being created at that time.

Why was it not good for the man to be alone? The most basic reason was that Adam was created in God’s image and was to reflect it in every aspect of his existence. The God who made Adam in his image is a triune God; from all eternity God existed in and enjoyed a perfect relationship within himself as Father, Son and Holy Spirit. So for Adam to properly reflect being made in the image of God, he could not remain alone; he had to be in a relationship. If Adam remained alone he would have been a contradiction of God’s design. Now that other human beings have come into existence, we can read Gen. 2:18 this way: “It is not good for any person to be alone.”

From a biblical perspective, believers are to prepare themselves for marriage. God uses means to accomplish his ends. This preparation includes things like personal development (in every way: spiritually, emotionally, physically and relationally), trusting God’s providential leading, seeking opportunities to meet individuals of the opposite sex, and taking responsibility for developing and nurturing relationships.

God does call some believers to singleness for specific reasons and for a specific time (or even for a lifetime). But if God does call one to singleness, he gives “the gift” for singleness (I Cor. 7:7). That is, he quiets “the burn” (I Cor. 7:9) that is a natural part of our being created as human beings.

Christian singles, no matter what their age, should seek to marry unless they know that the Lord has called them to singleness and can articulate the purpose for which God has called them to be single.

2. Some feel as though this event is too contrived and that we are taking the control away from God. What do you think about this popular thought?

As I have stated already, God uses means to accomplish his purposeful ends. For example, God made us in such a way that we must eat to live. God also promises to take care of our basic needs. Does this mean that we do not have to work for what we eat? Or that God will plow the “back 40” for us? Of course not. God commands us to work for what we eat and work is one means by which he takes care of providing for our food. This principle holds true in our relationships: God has a plan for us, but he also uses means to direct us to that end. These means are God’s providential opportunities and we should take advantage of these providential openings. We need to recognize that if God is really sovereign (and he is) and if this means he is really in control (and he is), then we are incapable of taking control away from God. In fact, it could be argued that believers who are not using providential means are the ones who are taking control away from God because they are not availing themselves of God’s open doors. Believers are to entrust themselves into the hands of their faithful creator and he will direct their paths (Prov. 3:5-6; I Peter 4:19; 5:6-7).

3. There are many who are fearful of participating in this event; perhaps from possible rejection or the potential of no connection. How could they use this opportunity to benefit themselves?

Anytime we engage in any type of relationship, whether family, work, church, or friends, we open ourselves up to rejection and pain. The nature of living in a fallen world has already made us vulnerable. Also, if we allow fear to control us, we will be held captive and rendered incapable of entering into almost any relationship. Our confidence must be in the God who loved us demonstrably in Jesus Christ, who only intends good for us who are his children, and who, because of this perfect love, has cast out fear (I John 4:18). So here is an event that is another opportunity the Lord can use to grow us, have us meet people, and renew our confidence in his watchful care.