Dr. Aquila Answers a Question on Providence in Dating

Q. I have been receiving what appears to be conflicting counsel about my responsibility in seeking a spouse. Some have told me that as a woman I should just trust God's providence to bring the right man into my life. Others have said that I need to apply some effort in the process. Can you help me sort this out?

A. Let's begin with the bottom line: In his providence, God does plan all things, which also includes the means by which his plans will be fulfilled. For example, God designed us with a need for food; we cannot live without it. And he has promised to provide for his people. Yet, God does not plow the fields and sow the seeds to produce the food for us; he gives us the means to do all that. Even when God provided manna in the wilderness, the people still had to go and collect it. We have to have faith that God will provide and at the same time we have to exert effort consistent with God’s design.

If a farmer is lazy and does not take care of his field or vineyard, he cannot expect a fruitful harvest. In fact, here is an unflattering comment from Proverbs about a lazy farmer:

I went past the field of the sluggard, past the vineyard of the man who lacks judgment; thorns had come up everywhere, the ground was covered with weeds, and the stone wall was in ruins. I applied my heart to what I observed and learned a lesson from what I saw: A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest—and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man (Prov. 24:30-34).

Paul stated this same principle in a more positive way, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men” (Col. 3:23). Or again, “Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously” (II Cor. 9:6).

In the same way that the faithful farmer works diligently to make his land productive, all the while trusting the Lord for the right circumstances, so we work diligently to be productive in every area of our lives. This principle is true in our efforts to seek a spouse. While we trust God’s providential guidance, we take all appropriate measures to prepare and place ourselves where we can meet a potential spouse. Our confidence must always be in the Lord who directs our lives (Prov. 3:5-6).

God’s providence is not an excuse for slovenly, untoward, or sluggardly behavior. Believers are called and exhorted to righteous living, reflecting the redemptive effects of grace in their lives. As the hardworking farmer works to cultivate his field, so believers who are single work hard to cultivate their relationships with others. And, as in any area of Christian living, they live and relate confidently knowing that the Lord will make his will known in and through the ordinary course of life.