Dr. Dominic Aquila responds to a post-mixer question. If you have anything you'd like to ask Dr. Aquila,
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Q. What is good post-mixer etiquette? Some camps say, “Girls, contact those boys!” Others say, “Don’t you dare initiate!” What’s a Christian girl supposed to do? It was a mixer and the ladies were provided the men’s contact information; does that make initiating contact permissible? A. The normal (shall we say, historic) etiquette in dating relationships is for the man to contact the woman. He is responsible to be the initiator, inviter and pursuer. Some may challenge this notion as being old fashioned and out of step with the spirit of our age, but it is still a strong tradition of our culture. Because this is an expectation, I would urge Christian single men to be more proactive in pursuing relationships with Christian single women.
Now an important caveat: Since the question is dealing specifically with the Christian singles mixer, I believe the normal rules can be relaxed a bit in this instance. There was an implied expectation in organizing this mixer that either the men or the women attending could make the initial contact. This is one reason the information packet was set up as it was. The men’s packet had the contact information for the women who attended, and the women’s packet had the contact information for the men who attended. One of the instructions given at the beginning of the mixer was just this: that men or women could initiate the first contact either in person or by e-mail.
The mixer was a means of just “getting to know you.” If that introductory meeting piqued interest, then one or the other, male or female, could make the next contact to possibly begin “getting to know
more about you.” Under these guidelines I believe it would be appropriate for a woman who attended the mixer to initiate contact with a man she found interesting and would like to learn more about. The same would be true of a man who desired to learn more about a woman who was at the mixer.
In another post I had mentioned that the Lord uses means to make his will known. The mixer was one of those means, and a good number of singles took advantage of it. All of us are responsible to place ourselves in circumstances where God can direct us in every area of life, and this includes seeking a spouse. There is a praying/waiting component in seeking God’s will, and there is also an active seeking/being available component. Both are important for healthy Christian living.
